Have you been feeling disconnected from your children recently? Do you feel like they don’t confide in you, or that they are sometimes lying to you? If you are struggling to get your child to open up to you, check out our top 5 reasons why your kids don’t talk to you!
1. They feel fundamentally invalidated, rejected, or ignored
When a child feels that their essence is fundamentally ignored, invalidated, or rejected, they often start to bottle up what they are feeling or thinking. This can be very harmful to a relationship and is unlikely to disappear with time. If you find a child, at any age, routinely avoiding talking about their emotions or experiences with you, consider if it’s possible you might be dismissing or invalidating their feelings or experiences subconsciously.
2. You criticize important dreams or goals
While you don’t have to indulge a child in every fantasy they can create, unnecessary dismissal or criticism of goals, dreams, or thoughts is likely to cause a child to close off. We have all had “crazy” dreams at one time, and more often than not, we grow out of them on our own anyway. Allow your child to have their own thoughts and goals in life, and they are more likely to confide in you about what’s important to them.
3. You joke about how “ungrateful” or “lazy” they are
While there’s nothing wrong with speaking about your history, or trying to teach your children about your values, frequent comments that start with, “Back in my day,” or, “When I was your age…” might cause your kid to feel judged, which could cause them to shut down, harming your relationship in the long term. Likewise, in almost every scenario, disparaging your kids for being ungrateful, soft, weak etc. even as a joke does more harm than good.
4. They feel pressure to perform
Does your child feel pressured to perform as if everything is fine in order to feel loved or accepted in an area of their life? When kids feel pressure to be strong, they will often hide what they truly think or feel, and might avoid having real conversations with you as time goes on. Try to emphasize that it’s okay to make mistakes and that failing is a part of life. Emphasize and model unconditional love.
5. They need a space to open up
If you are craving more connection and conversation with your kids, it’s possible they are too, and they just don’t know where to start. Try creating at least a few times a month for you to bond with your child in a fun way. You could try cooking together, doing crafts, going on a day trip, watching a movie, or anything else fun that you think your child will enjoy.
Regardless of past mistakes or betrayals, a willingness to change and an apology can go a long way with children. It’s never too late to start making changes, so you can have a healthy and meaningful connection.
