We all say things we regret. It’s part of being human! Arguments with our boyfriends often bring out the worst in us.
A lot can be said in the heat of the moment. But how do you know when things have gone too far? Never say these 11 things to your boyfriend to maintain a healthy, strong, loving relationship.
“I’m fine”
What “I’m fine” really means is “I’m not fine but I want you to try and figure out why I’m not fine.” Don’t play games with your boyfriend. No matter how long you’ve been together, he’s not a mind reader. If there’s something on your mind, just say it.
2. “Man up”
You probably don’t want your boyfriend to see you as a stereotypical girl, right? If he just assumed you were vain, self centered, and controlling, like girlfriends on TV, that would probably bother you.
So don’t stereotype him, either. Don’t shame him for having emotions, getting sad, or being anxious from time to time. He’s as entitled to a variety of different emotions as you are.
3. “You always…”
“You always” statements turn one frustration into an avalanche of frustrating behaviors. Instead of being annoyed he forgot to take the garbage out, now you’re irritated he hasn’t taken it out for the last six months. When you’re in the middle of a conflict, focus on resolving the issue at hand. Once you’re more calm, you can discuss what should change in the future.
4. “Don’t be offended, but…”
Spoiler alert: he’s going to be offended. Any time you begin a sentence with “don’t be offended,” you’re asking your boyfriend to give you a free pass to be rude. And (no surprise here), he doesn’t like it very much.
Before you say something hurtful, think about how you can rephrase the comment to be constructive.
5. “I told you so”
Focus on building your partnership with your boyfriend, not winning. Disagreements in your relationship are inevitable, but try and learn from them instead of focusing on all the times you were “right” and they were “wrong.”
6. “If you loved me, you’d…”
This is a manipulative tactic to get what you want. If you find yourself using it, take a step back and consider your motives before moving forward.
7. “You’re stupid”
There is no place for insults in a healthy relationship. Insulting your partner doesn’t help them to learn from their mistakes, grow closer to you, or mature—it just drives a wedge between you.
8. “Just forget it”
Similar to “I’m fine,” “just forget it” means “I’m still mad but I’m too immature to keep communicating with you.” If you need to take a break from an argument because things are getting too heated, say so. But don’t shut out further communication until things are resolved.
9. “You never…”
If you’re planning on being with your boyfriend for a long time, then you probably have quite a few years ahead of you. Try to have the mindset that he will keep changing (like you will!) throughout your relationship.
If there’s a specific problem that you’re trying to address, like “you never walk the dog” or “you never make dinner,” then speak up about what you’d like to change. But don’t point fingers and assume the worst about your partner. Instead, use productive communication to help him understand how he can serve your needs better.
10. “You don’t even care about me”
This language expresses your feelings without explaining to your boyfriend what is actually bothering you. Your boyfriend can’t control your emotions, but he can control how he shows love to you. Don’t assume that telling him you feel unloved will help him to know how to make you feel loved.
11. “I wish you were more like…”
If you find yourself constantly wishing your partner was like someone else, then maybe you’re with the wrong person. You need to have the maturity to accept and embrace who your boyfriend is—if you can’t, then maybe you shouldn’t be together.
Words stick with us a lot longer than other wounds. Avoid hurting your partner with these 11 statements and instead focus on honest, upfront communication to develop an open, loving partnership.
