RELATIONSHIP Archives - Sparks and Roses

4 First Date Warning Signs To Watch Out For

Let’s face it—first dates are complicated. Not only are you trying to figure out if you’re attracted to one another, if you have anything in common, and if your personalities and life goals could someday intertwine, but you’re also trying to figure out if the person sitting across the table from you is really who they seem to be.

Too many of us end up investing in relationships that are toxic, abusive, fake, or frustrating. Next time you’re on a first date, watch out for these 4 warning signs that might point to an unhealthy relationship from the start.

They Seem To Be Your Perfect Match

Do they agree with everything you say? Do you have all the same hobbies, like the same food, and cheer for the same teams? You might think a partner like that is too good to be true…and you might be right.

Sure, there might be a few people out there who love pineapple on their pizza just like you, but your date’s willingness to agree to everything you say could be a way for them to hide sharing anything about themselves. If you find your date is similar to you to the point of being almost strange, proceed with caution. It might just be coincidence or good luck, but it could be a sign your date is attempting to force intimacy with you.

They Won’t Discuss the Past

First dates are all about the future, right? But your past is a part of who you are, for good or for bad! If your date is unwilling to share things about their past, including their previous relationships, family, or upbringing, it could be a sign they’re hiding some bad behavior.

If they are uncomfortable when you discuss your past (even if you’re not!), it’s another red flag. This could be a sign they’ll be overly jealous of your past flames or your friends in the months or years to come.

They Won’t Stop Discussing the Past

Sure, you want to know if they’ve ever been in a serious relationship before. But are they harping on and on about their first love? If so, they might still be navigating unresolved feelings from an old relationship, and you should stay away—you’re only going to get your heart broken if you step between two people with history.

If they can’t stop saying bad things about an old partner, it’s another red flag. After all, they barely know you! Sharing excessive criticism of someone they used to love shows that they might be narcissistic, self-involved, or immature.

They Keep Checking Their Phone

It might seem obvious, but then again, most of us are willing to overlook a lot in the name of love! If your date keeps constantly checking their phone, responding to texts or calls, or just generally acts distracted during your time together, it’s a good idea to make your first date your last date.

These behaviors indicate a lack of interest and commitment in your potential relationship. After all, they might even be checking their dating profile or texting other potential dates while they get drinks with you! You deserve to be someone’s first choice, and if they can’t see that, they’re not worth your time.

Your Perfect Partner Is Out There

Don’t settle for a bad date just to be with someone. If you see warning signs, get out—and trust that the next one might be the one!

Telling First Date Conversation Starters

You might think you don’t really need to prepare for a first date—after all, it’s not exactly an interview! Or is it?

Not to scare you, but first dates are kind of a big deal. Nobody likes to waste time on a relationship that’s going nowhere—and a good first date can help you pinpoint whether you might click or whether it’s better to move on.

Keep reading for our favorite first date conversation starters that really help you get to know your date.

Ask About Where They’re From

Who knows, maybe you’re from the state or town! Depending on their answer, this question can spark great conversation—maybe you’ve been to the same parks, museums, or restaurants. If it turns out you’ve never even heard of where they grew up, their answer is still valuable—after all, their home probably has a huge bearing on how they see the world. Did they grow up in a small town, or in the middle of a city? Did they like it or hate it? Do they want to move back someday? You can learn a lot about your date by learning where they’re from.

Discuss Hobbies

You might love old rom coms, but is it important to you that your partner does too? Generally, it’s more important to find out if your date has hobbies than if they share the same ones as you—although shared hobbies are a great topic of conversation on a first date! If you spend a lot of time exercising, cooking, or going out with friends, you want to know that your date will either come along or be busy with their own activities.

Talk About Their Relationships

We don’t mean that kind of relationship, although discussing past partners can be helpful on a first date, particularly if you or your date is divorced or has kids. But discussing your date’s friends, family, and even coworkers can help you get a sense for who they really are.

Are they close with others? Do they invest in their relationships? Or do they blame difficulties with their family or friends on others? Your relationships say a lot about you, and your date is no exception—if they seem unable to build or maintain healthy relationships, then they might not be the best choice for a romantic partner either.

Bring Up Dealbreakers

Is spirituality super important to you? Kids? Living close to family? If you’ve got dealbreakers, don’t be afraid to bring them up on a first date. It might end some relationships before they start, but it’s important to be honest and put your goals and desires first. Don’t wait until you’ve fallen in love to talk about the future, which will put you in the awful position of choosing between your goals and your love. See if your goals align from the start, and let the relationship bloom from there.

Don’t Put Too Much Pressure on a First Date

Dating is tough, and nerves don’t help. If your first date wasn’t the instant connection you were hoping for but you think there might be something there, don’t give up. But be bold enough to step away from dates you’re really not clicking with. Your perfect match is out there somewhere!

7 Types of Friends You MUST Unfriend

Having good friends can make your life so much better. They can be great allies and provide you with support, help, and advice. It’s amazing to have friends you can count on!

But, there are some toxic types of friends. Having these types in your circle can make you feel down. The sooner you unfriend these types, the better you will feel.

So, here are the types of friends you should let go of:

1. Negative friends

Do you have any friends that are always complaining and bringing negativity? It’s okay to complain sometimes, but people that have a pessimistic outlook on life can drain your energy.

Whenever you bring up good news, they find a problem with it. This can suck the happiness out of you, so it’s totally fine to unfriend them to avoid getting dragged down.

2. Self-centered friends

This type of friend thinks that the whole world should revolve around them. They only agree to do things when it suits them, and they’re normally unwilling to return any favors.

Unless they are benefiting from something, they’ll probably avoid it. This type of friend should be avoided – even if you do loads for them, they’ll always avoid doing things for you.

3. Unavailable friends

Of course, everyone is busy. A lot of friends don’t get to hang out as much as they’d like. But, it’s important to make the effort to spend time together.

Unavailable friends are the types of friends that are always too busy, and if you do make plans with them, they usually cancel – sometimes at the very last minute.

4. Competitive friends

Another type of friend you should avoid is really competitive ones. Real friends want you to succeed and will support you no matter what.

Friends that are always trying to compete with you will always be trying to do better than you to make themselves feel good. Make sure you protect yourself by unfriending them!

5. Friends that use you

Friends that use you to get things they want are really selfish. They might expect you to pay for everything on a night out, or drive them around everywhere.

These types of friends rarely do anything unless it’s a benefit to them, and this makes the friendship very one-sided – so it’s best to limit contact with them.

6. Two-faced friends

If someone’s being two-faced, they’re not a true friend. They might smile and act friendly, then make fun of you to others or talk about you behind your back.

Whether they’re telling people you don’t deserve a promotion or gossiping about your love life, you need to cut these types of friends out of your life as quickly as possible!

7. Jealous friends

Having a jealous friend can destroy your self-esteem. They will always be pointing out your flaws, and this is because they’re insecure and jealous of you.

With these types of friends, everytime something goes well in your life, envy takes over. Make sure you look out for these people so you can unfriend them.

Never Say These 11 Things to Your Boyfriend

We all say things we regret. It’s part of being human! Arguments with our boyfriends often bring out the worst in us.

A lot can be said in the heat of the moment. But how do you know when things have gone too far? Never say these 11 things to your boyfriend to maintain a healthy, strong, loving relationship.

“I’m fine”

What “I’m fine” really means is “I’m not fine but I want you to try and figure out why I’m not fine.” Don’t play games with your boyfriend. No matter how long you’ve been together, he’s not a mind reader. If there’s something on your mind, just say it.

2. “Man up”

You probably don’t want your boyfriend to see you as a stereotypical girl, right? If he just assumed you were vain, self centered, and controlling, like girlfriends on TV, that would probably bother you.

So don’t stereotype him, either. Don’t shame him for having emotions, getting sad, or being anxious from time to time. He’s as entitled to a variety of different emotions as you are.

3. “You always…”

“You always” statements turn one frustration into an avalanche of frustrating behaviors. Instead of being annoyed he forgot to take the garbage out, now you’re irritated he hasn’t taken it out for the last six months. When you’re in the middle of a conflict, focus on resolving the issue at hand. Once you’re more calm, you can discuss what should change in the future.

4. “Don’t be offended, but…”

Spoiler alert: he’s going to be offended. Any time you begin a sentence with “don’t be offended,” you’re asking your boyfriend to give you a free pass to be rude. And (no surprise here), he doesn’t like it very much.

Before you say something hurtful, think about how you can rephrase the comment to be constructive.

5. “I told you so”

Focus on building your partnership with your boyfriend, not winning. Disagreements in your relationship are inevitable, but try and learn from them instead of focusing on all the times you were “right” and they were “wrong.”

6. “If you loved me, you’d…”

This is a manipulative tactic to get what you want. If you find yourself using it, take a step back and consider your motives before moving forward.

7. “You’re stupid”

There is no place for insults in a healthy relationship. Insulting your partner doesn’t help them to learn from their mistakes, grow closer to you, or mature—it just drives a wedge between you.

8. “Just forget it”

Similar to “I’m fine,” “just forget it” means “I’m still mad but I’m too immature to keep communicating with you.” If you need to take a break from an argument because things are getting too heated, say so. But don’t shut out further communication until things are resolved.

9. “You never…”

If you’re planning on being with your boyfriend for a long time, then you probably have quite a few years ahead of you. Try to have the mindset that he will keep changing (like you will!) throughout your relationship.

If there’s a specific problem that you’re trying to address, like “you never walk the dog” or “you never make dinner,” then speak up about what you’d like to change. But don’t point fingers and assume the worst about your partner. Instead, use productive communication to help him understand how he can serve your needs better.

10. “You don’t even care about me”

This language expresses your feelings without explaining to your boyfriend what is actually bothering you. Your boyfriend can’t control your emotions, but he can control how he shows love to you. Don’t assume that telling him you feel unloved will help him to know how to make you feel loved.

11. “I wish you were more like…”

If you find yourself constantly wishing your partner was like someone else, then maybe you’re with the wrong person. You need to have the maturity to accept and embrace who your boyfriend is—if you can’t, then maybe you shouldn’t be together.

Words stick with us a lot longer than other wounds. Avoid hurting your partner with these 11 statements and instead focus on honest, upfront communication to develop an open, loving partnership.

10 Things Your Partner Should Never Tell You

Being in a relationship is hard work. Of course, there are many wonderful things about living your life alongside someone you love, but there are hard moments too—like arguments, petty disagreements, and compromises.

How do you know when the hard moments signify something more significant about the relationship? If your partner regularly says any of these 10 things, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship.

You’re Annoying Them

Every person has little quirks. It’s part of what makes you uniquely you! But if your partner is constantly pointing out things they find annoying, it’s going to chip away at your relationship. If your partner can’t deal with your little idiosyncrasies, it speaks more to their flaws than yours.

They Think Your Friends are Attractive

Just because your gal pals are all super fun and good looking doesn’t mean your partner needs to bring it up. Not every thought needs to be shared. Constantly talking about the appearance of others creates distrust and self consciousness.

“I Told You So”

Reliving past argumentative “victories” is a sign of immaturity. In a healthy relationship, your partnership is more important than winning an argument.

Doubts About Your Relationship

Again, not every stray thought needs to be voiced aloud. If your partner is having doubts about the relationship, they’re perfectly entitled to seeking out advice from people they trust—but you shouldn’t be one of those people. Processing relationship doubts within the relationship is inappropriate and hurtful.

To Give Up On Your Goals

Sure, this seems like an obvious red flag. But what about if your goals become incompatible with your relationship? Your partner should recognize the importance of your individuality and should be willing to step back and allow you to choose what’s most important to you.

What Their Family Thinks About You

If relationships are complicated, then families are just…tough. Whether your partner is close to their family or disagrees with them about everything, bringing up their families’ concerns or negative opinions will drive a wedge between you and the family of the person you love.

You’re Overreacting

Sometimes our emotions get out of hand. But if your partner is constantly dismissing your feelings or concerns, then they’re not really listening to you. This kind of behavior can cause you lasting harm, since it leads to self doubt. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself in these situations.

You’re Too Emotional

See “You’re Overreacting,” above. This is a harmful tactic used by some partners to point the finger at you during an argument instead of themselves. If your partner can’t engage in healthy disagreement and instead always redirects the issue to be your problem, they have a problem.

“You Don’t Care About Me”

Statements like this are often used by partners to manipulate you into doing what they want. If your partner is constantly saying things like this to get their way, they’re at best immature and at worst manipulative.

Remember, relationships are not just defined by what happened today, but by the good and the bad throughout your whole journey together. Every relationship will go through rough patches, but if your partner constantly doubts you during difficult seasons, it’s going to divide you.

To Do Something that Makes You Uncomfortable

Whether it’s in bed, professionally, or socially, your partner should not force you out of your comfort zone. This is much different than encouraging you to push yourself and grow. Asking you to do something uncomfortable out of their own self interest is a red flag.

No relationship is perfect. Even if your relationship is going great, there are always things that can be improved. But if your partner is constantly dismissing you, saying hurtful things, or making you uncomfortable, it might be time to move on.

8 Cheap Day Date Ideas for Couples

Dates can get really expensive! But there’s no need to worry. There are plenty of awesome ways to spend time together in a budget-friendly way.

Cheap definitely doesn’t have to mean boring. Here are some exciting day date ideas to try out:

1. Go on a picnic

There’s nothing more romantic than enjoying some al fresco food while enjoying some time outdoors. Make sure you pick a nice day, grab a blanket, and pack some food and drinks.

Even if it’s raining, you can still do this as a date – simply move your picnic inside your home!

2. Take a dance lesson

Dance lessons can be really fun – and they’re also super-affordable. Whether it’s salsa, disco, ballroom, or another style, this is a great way for couples to spend time together!

3. Go out to breakfast

If you can afford to go out for an evening meal, one alternative is to go for a breakfast date. And, just because it’s cheaper, doesn’t mean it’ll be less romantic.

Having a date in the morning makes a nice change – and breakfast food can be just as tasty!

4. Go for a walk or run

Do you enjoy getting out in the fresh air? If you do, why not make it into a date? Going for a hike or running outside in the fresh air and sunshine is an amazing way to bond.

You can also choose different walks to add variety, like the woods, in the hills, on the beach, or by the coast, or following a nature trail.

5. Go berry or apple-picking

There are loads of places to go picking fresh fruits. Depending on the season, berries and apples are popular choices, but you can pick other fruits for your date.

This makes a lovely outing that’s perfect for a date!

6. Cook a meal together

If you love cooking, why not cook a special meal together as a couple? This is a great way to spend quality time together.

To make it interesting, you can also start looking for new, unique recipes or try out ingredients you don’t normally buy.

7. Build a campfire

What’s more romantic than sitting by a fire? If you’re lucky enough to have a backyard, starting a campfire and sitting around it can be an awesome date.

If this isn’t an option, another way to do this is to sit by a fireplace inside.

8. Take a day trip

You can go anywhere for a date. So, if you’re stuck for ideas, simply jump in your car or get on a train and go over to a new town or tourist hotspot.

This can feel like a big adventure, and it doesn’t need to be expensive or difficult to plan!